We went to Goodwill yesterday. I’m trying to purge. I’m trying to accomplish something every day. I’m trying to fit here, in a way that doesn’t involve tripping. I’m trying to establish order and good personal habits. In other words, I’m trying to upend my habits and redo my psyche. We’ll see.

There were skeins of acrylic. Not the good acrylic, the kind you put next to a baby’s skin, or that you use to make those cute little xmas mittens that you hate til they come off the needles and then you squeal. The stuff that comes in the 2-pound, no-dye-lot “Make an afghan with just one skein!” sort of stuff. In beige. And off-white. The pink wasn’t too awfully bad, but no. So it all had to go, along with that bag of Misty Mountain Fluffy quilt batting that I used to use before I knew better.

So we were good, and we took some things that were good and usable and donated them. And since we were good, we could look around, just a little bit, as long as we were there. I’m really pretty proud of us. We came out with 4 ties and a CD. I don’t know what I’m going to do with the ties. The original thought was to make one of those skirts, but there are limits to how far back I will go. For now, they’re just pretty and they all live in one small drawer, so I can pretend it’s nothing. The CD was the second set of songs from the movie “Elizabethtown.”

I was doing something purposeful and useful this afternoon, checking out seed catalogs or something, and I put in the CD. So it happened when I wasn’t looking, my mind and body both between here and there, just this one note struck and bent on a steel string, sounding so old Stones –

And I was back again in that apartment overlooking the freeway, one of those last years with that guy, and it all overwhelmed me, the way I thought I was going to go for so long and then that broken part for a long time and then the place I ended up and how lonely I felt just then for the sound of someone playing a guitar, or not playing, just wandering up and down, thinking, between one place and another, the way I was when that note broke through.

And tonight we went out and heard a bunch of talented guys playing Beatles music, which is just astonishingly brave because everybody in the place will know exactly what you did wrong and where! Not only did they play Beatles songs. The second set they played ABBEY ROAD! Beginning to end, with little narrative bits once in a while, and the guy on our end of the stage singing “Oh Darling, please believe me…” loud and hard. And there I was, sixteen.

Damn, it was a good year. I’m glad to remember.