Minneapolis will pay $165,000 to zombies

The Minneapolis city attorney’s office has decided to pay seven zombies and their attorney $165,000.

The payout, approved by the City Council on Friday, settles a federal lawsuit the seven filed after they were arrested and jailed for two days for dressing up like zombies in downtown Minneapolis on July 22, 2006, to protest “mindless” consumerism.

I’m so pissed off at what’s happened to my home town. I’m fairly certain my memories are totally rose-colored, but it seems to me that Minnesota in general had better things to do than bust on college students.

When arrested at the intersection of Hennepin Avenue and 6th Street N., most of them had thick white powder and fake blood on their faces and dark makeup around their eyes. They were walking in a stiff, lurching fashion and carrying four bags of sound equipment to amplify music from an iPod when they were arrested by police who said they were carrying equipment that simulated “weapons of mass destruction.”

I know. They got too close to people, and they scared a little girl. Shoot, could I get everybody arrested that scared Daughter? That might be fun. Heck, Stupidhead just came through here and made a weird noise in my fan that scared me. I wouldn’t mind calling the cops on him.

Still, I suspect they’ll be arresting rainbows pretty soon.