So I slept way late today, and woke up not in pain and recharged! So I sat zazen and went out for my walk in a light drizzle, which was so a picture. New ‘running’ shoes in black with hot pink and neon aqua, old dead khaki shorts, a royal blue and yellow Columbia shell, and my old black baseball cap. Not too many witnesses. Weekday, rain.
And it was awesome! My knees did what they were supposed to, when it was time to go faster I went faster, it was like I am still functional! what a treat. I am rolling! I get home and take off my jacket and hat and shoes, and walk into the kitchen to make breakfast and step in kitty puke. I clean it up and go to thaw hash browns in the microwave, but there’s stuff in front of it, so I start clearing that away, and then there were other things to go away, and I’m pretty prickly by now because Yes, This is All my Fault, I Know, Thank you, and I get the butter going in the pan* and go to get the hashbrowns out of the microwave and my coffee isn’t hot and the butter is and I’m trying to get back to the pan and there’s Katniss between my legs and I get to the pan and I spill hashbrowns all over the stove and I’m trying to get the eggs and there’s the cat asking to be petted and I start in on her about how I do not want to like her right now because she is a pukey kitty and I am busy and I’m resorting to putting things down hard –
And Daughter comes out of her bedroom, because it is time for her to get up, and she looks at me.
I usually have a good two hours of quiet time before she gets up, not that she’s loud or anything, but two hours of not being observed. Sartre – “My original sin is the existence of the other.” I feels the Shame of being Crabby.**
I have finished Moby Dick. Ahab dies. The Whale doesn’t. The spoiler doesn’t matter. The reading does.
Also. This is the first fall in a thousand years I haven’t fallen down into the Hole. Huh.
*There is a good reason for this healthy exercise thing, and that is love of butter.
** This will get worse. I’m reading “Critique of Pure Reason”. Does Time equal Cause? Don’t know. I’ve spent ten hours and I’m on page 48 – out of 540.